FjIhiTS ON T>jE F^EUGIOUS TRAINItJG 
OF BOYS 

ERNEST B.LAYARD 






LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




OOOlODESD^b 






LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 

Ciiap.. , Copyright No. 



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



IReligion in Bo^boob 

OR HINTS ON THE 

RELIGIOUS TRAINING 
OF BOYS 

BY 
REV. ERNEST B. LAYARD 

PUSEY HOUSE, OXFORD 

WITH AN INTRODUCTION BY THE 

REV. ENDICOTT PEABODY 

HEAD MASTER OF GROTON SCHOOL 
GROTON, MASS. 



New York 
E..P. DUTTON & COMPANY 

31 WEST TWENTY-THIRD STREET 



ITav 



y 



i^'^'^ 



\fi> 



COPYRIGHT 
E. P. DUTTON & CO. 



"^bc 1kn{cF?crboc}?er press, IRcw ll)oi*Fj 



INTRODUCTION. 

There are, broadly speaking, two 
classes of parents. 

One class consists of those who 
recognise, from the time of the 
birth of their children, the infinite 
sacredness of the souls which have 
been entrusted to their care. Pla- 
cing character above all other 
things, their constant aim is to 
bring their children to God. They 
keep always before them the mo- 
tive of Christ, '^ For their sakes I 
sanctify myself.'* 

To such people as these a book 
of this kind will bring inspiration 
and encouragement for their diffi- 
cult task. 

There is a second — it may be a 
larger — group of parents, whose 
attention is absorbed by the care 



IFntroDuction 



of their children's health and the 
development of their social quali- 
ties. 

If their children at twelve years 
of age are vigorous, healthy ani- 
mals, and if they are generally 
popular, these parents try to as- 
sure themselves that they have 
fulfilled their duty. But they are 
not — they cannot be — satisfied. 
There is a consciousness, latent 
perhaps, but often making itself 
felt, that these children have a 
right to something more than this. 

The parents would wish them 
to be finer and better men and 
women than they themselves have 
been. They wish to lead them to 
higher pastures — but they do not 
know the way. 

In a time like the present, when 
old land-marks are fading out, 
when theology is learning so much 
from the revelations which God is 
making, in many ways, they re- 
quire some help — they need to 
have suggested to them principles 



IfntroDuction 



which shall be fundamental and 
comprehensive, and at the same 
time sufficiently definite to guide 
them. 

It is because this book seems to 
me to embody these requirements 
— because it is large-minded and 
at the same time practical — be- 
cause it is written in the Spirit of 
Christ, that I am glad to com- 
mend it to the attention of Ameri- 
can parents. 

Endicott Peabody. 

Groton^ 
September 1896. 



AUTHOR'S PREFACE. 

This little book is merely intended 
to draw the attention of parents 
to the difficulties connected with 
one, and that the most important 
side of the education question, and 
to suggest that the methods com- 
monly employed are not those 
which are most likely to lead to 
the development of the highest 
form of character. 

The experience of many years' 
work with boys, part of which was 
spent in a public school, has given 
the writer some opportunity of ob- 
serving the defects of home train- 
ing as evidenced by many boys 
who have come under his charge : 
and has led him to suggest to 
parents, who care for the spiritual 
as well as the temporal education 



Butboc*0 i&ceface 



of their children, certain methods 
by which some of the more promi- 
nent defects might possibly be 
remedied. 

While conscious that some of 
the suggestions are hardly likely 
to be acceptable to all his readers, 
and disclaiming any idea of dictat- 
ing on questions which are and 
must be a matter of each parent's 
individual responsibility, he yet 
ventures to hope that some of the 
hints contained in the following 
pages may be helpful in promoting 
the cause which he has most 
strongly at heart. ^Maxima de- 
betur pueris reverentia' ' children 
have a right to be treated very rev- 
erently ' is a not unknown maxim ; 
yet many parents seem strangely 
unconscious of its full significance, 
and at times almost indiflferent to 
the responsibility it indicates. But 
surely if it were understood and 
put into practice, it would change 
the character of many a home, and 
inspire parents to aim at forming 



Butboc'0 pretace 



in the children, whom God has en- 
trusted to them to train for His 
service, the virtues of unselfish- 
ness, purity, and obedience. 

The writer desires to acknow- 
ledge his obligation to the Rev. I. 
R. Illingworth for much valuable 
advice ; to the Editor of Mothers 
in Council {ox permission to reprint 
some articles which appeared in 
that magazine ; to the Rev. W. 
Lock, Sub-warden of Keble Col- 
lege, who kindly revised the 
manuscript and suggested many 
improvements ; and to the Revs. 
F. E. Brightman and R. B. Rack- 
ham who have corrected the 
proofs. 

Oxford^ 
August 1894. 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER PAGE 

I. — Religious Influence . . i 

II. — Formation of Character . 14 

III. — IIow TO Form Character . 24 

IV. — Punishment . . . . 38 

V. — Spiritual Training . . 53 

VI. — Religious Instruction . . 6g 

VII. — The Keeping of Sunday . 80 



CHAPTER I. 

RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE. 



Why are boys so little influenced 
by religion ? is a question very of- 
ten asked, and asked by those who 
feel really and deeply their respon- 
sibility in this matter, who see 
clearly what evil results follow 
from the absence of religion as 
a motive power in a boy's life ; 
and yet who are conscious, not 
only of the difificulty of the ques- 
tion, but also of their own inca- 
pacity, as they fancy, to remedy 
the defect in individual cases in 
which they are interested. 

That the question needs an an- 
swer no one can doubt ; and it is 
hnportant to suggest certain rea- 



IRclf^lon in aSosbooD 



sons which operate against the 
power of religion over boys, and 
to show what are the consequences 
of the fact which the question as- 
serts. 

To begin with, it is necessary 
to define what is meant by ' reli- 
gion,* as so many very different 
ideas are often included under 
that one term. To define it pre- 
cisely is not easy, but it may be 
taken to mean, in the words of 
Dr. Liddon, 'personal commu- 
nion with God,' yielding fruit in 
action, or the bringing spiritual 
sanction to bear on ordinary life. 
These words imply that true man- 
liness can alone be found in a 
character formed on the model of 
our Lord's life and persevered in 
for His sake. 

And now, while it is true that 
the definition suggested does not 
exhaust the full meaning of the 
term ' religion,' it is desirable to 
observe why in so many cases 
boys are not influenced as they 



TRcliQiowe ffntluence 



might be by so high a motive, and 
what are the results proceeding 
from the want of this influence. 

In some cases the question of 
rehgion thus understood is never 
put before boys by their parents 
at all. Accustomed as they them- 
selves are to rule their conduct by 
the standards which society im- 
poses, and to consider that the 
only thing requisite is to avoid 
what society would condemn, they 
never attempt to impress on their 
children any principles, save that 
they should be honourable, manly, 
and upright, on the ground that 
in the world these are the main 
attributes required in all who are 
desirous of esteem and respect. 
Sound advice as far as it goes ; 
but it is only necessary to look 
into the lives of many young men 
in our large towns, and even of 
boys in our schools, to see how 
utterly insufficient such teaching 
is to keep them firm in the midst 
of temptations, which, while they 
3 



IRelfgfon In JSo^booJ) 



may not cause any social scandal 
and so bring discredit on a name 
which has been considered blame- 
less and honourable, yet do most 
certainly lower and degrade in the 
sight of God him who yields to 
them, and compel him to shroud 
a part of his life in the obscurity 
which is a real evidence of shame 
inwardly felt though perhaps never 
openly acknowledged. 

Again, in some cases advice is 
given and principles of action are 
suggested, which might be most 
valuable were it not that the boys 
see that the principles which are 
taught to them are not those 
which form the basis of their par- 
ents' lives. The result of this on 
boys, who are not only keen- 
sighted but essentially imitative, 
is that the idea is forced upon 
them that, though it may be right 
to advise in this way, it is not nec- 
essary to act upon such advice ; 
and they argue that the religion 
they are taught is for children 
4 



1Religiou6 Ifnfluence 



alone, and that when they grow 
up they will no more be bound 
than they see their parents are, 
to act as is now suggested to them. 
If parents would but believe how 
closely they are watched by their 
children to discover whether their 
actions are in conformity with their 
principles, there would be far less 
danger of such results as often oc- 
cur in the case of the poor, but not 
of them alone. Parents make their 
children go to Sunday-school and 
church, while they stay away them- 
selves ; and consequently the chil- 
dren simply wait for the time when 
they will be ^ old enough not to go 
to church,' and so lose any benefit 
which attendance at the service, 
would, and ought to, bring them. 
How often have the words of 
the fifth commandment failed to 
make a deep and lasting impres- 
sion on a boy's mind, because he 
does not see at home that spirit 
in the parents towards the chil- 
dren, which by its very power, 
5 



TReliciion in ffio^boot) 



would make the keeping of the 
commandment so easy and so 
natural ? It is, of course, no ex- 
cuse for children not honouring 
their parents that the father or 
mother are often unkind, hasty, 
or injudicious in dealing with their 
children : but it is hard for a boy 
to realise this ; and the true rever- 
ence and love for parents will not 
be called out, except in the most 
rare circumstances, by anything 
save the firm conviction that 
* there is no one in the world 
like father or mother* — a judg- 
ment neither rashly formed nor 
lightly changed. 

A third answer to the original 
question may be found in the fact 
that so often sufficient pains are 
not taken to make the religious 
motive attractive. The tact and 
sympathy which will see instinct- 
ively how to catch the impression- 
able moments in a boy's life, and 
then, in a few loving words, to en- 
grave upon the mind the thought 
6 



IReltgtous Ifnfluence 



of a high ideal and the greatness 
of self-control, without clothing 
the ideas in deeply religious phra- 
seology, are far too rare amongst 
our mothers. A boy is quite 
ready to respond when treated 
with real sympathy : but it is far 
wiser to put before him religion, 
which in other words is the imita- 
tion of Christ, as the highest and 
noblest motive, w^ithout using the 
formulas which he is accustomed 
to hear from the pulpit. 

Sometimes, either from a sort 
of timidity or from the feeling 
that they do not know how to 
deal with the subject, parents 
leave their children to gain their 
impressions of religion from ser- 
mons and what are called * good 
books.' This treatment, however, 
in most cases seems rather to 
cause an antipathy in a boy's 
mind to the very things by which 
he ought to be attracted, unless 
indeed he treats the whole matter 
with absolute indifference. 



IRellaion in JBogbooD 



That boys can understand and 
appreciate the truth and happiness 
of a high standard of hfe is hardly 
open to question : yet that num- 
bers now go to schools with habits 
partly formed, with evil fully 
known, and with selfishness in- 
grained in them, is but a common- 
place to those who at school have 
to repair the neglect at home, 
which is all the more saddening 
because it is unintentional and 
unsuspected. How many boys 
might have been saved from the 
consequences of temptation to 
which they yielded only too read- 
ily, had they been taught in early 
years, with the loving tact of a 
mother's heart, little lessons from 
the life of Christ at moments 
rightly seized. 

Lastly, there is the habit which 
prevails in many families of con- 
fining the idea of religion to one 
day in the week. As surely as 
Sunday comes round the boy sees 
the whole house undergo a change ; 
8 



IReligioue flnfluence 



ordinary occupations are laid 
aside, ordinary recreations are for- 
bidden, sometimes surely with a 
strictness that is almost grotesque. 
At a given time the whole family 
goes to church, perhaps twice in 
the day; and, besides that, it may 
be that the boy has some instruc- 
tion given him on the catechism 
in words not best-suited to his 
comprehension. Now all these 
things are, with some qualifica- 
tions, good and right in them- 
selves ; and, if carried out in the 
spirit as well as the letter, might 
impress a boy with the idea that 
one day is different to the rest in 
that it is given more to God. But 
the risk is, that while he feels ter- 
ribly depressed by the unnatural 
strain of the day, and is dimly 
conscious of a real longing for 
night to come, he should think 
that this is religion, and that it 
merely means periodical enforced 
cessation of his ordinary pleasures, 
and a replacing of them with 
9 



IReli^ion in JSo^boob 



something which appears both 
formal and wearying. 

It is a most difficult question 
how to make Sunday at once 
attractive and profitable to the 
young ; and it is beyond the scope 
of this chapter to deal with it in 
detail : but at any rate there are 
two dangers to be most carefully 
avoided. One is that a boy should 
think that religion is quite apart 
from the ordinary pursuits of life, 
and that before it can be practised 
they must be laid aside ; and the 
other is that the day on which it 
is brought most prominently be- 
fore him should be one to which 
he looks forward with somewhat 
of weariness and discontent, and 
that the service in which it finds 
its fullest expression should be to 
him at once compulsory and dis- 
tasteful, while its very words be- 
come unmeaning from constant 
repetition and from want of having 
them properly explained. Only 



IReltgioua Ifnfluence 



those who know boys intimately 
are aware how very hard it is for 
them to see much real value in go- 
ing to church, and how readily 
they find excuses for staying away 
when they are beyond parental 
control. To some people it is a 
real pleasure ; to most it is a dis- 
cipline ; and there is no greater 
error than to suppose that the or- 
dinary boy finds a pleasure in the 
services of the Church. This truth 
is especially marked when boys 
have, unfortunately, seen at home 
enough to make them think that 
attendance at church is regarded 
by their parents as a duty de- 
manded of them by their position 
in society, rather than welcomed 
as an opportunity of trying to 
offer some worship to God. 

Still, despite all the difficulties 
in the way of its being successfully 
implanted, we must feel that re- 
ligion gives the only secure foun- 
dation on which a boy may rest 



IRcIigiou in JSogbooD 



in his conflict with temptation. 
Surely if mothers only realised 
how often the boy they love so 
well, and who seems so bright and 
happy, is yet slowly developing, 
all unsuspected not only by them 
but often by himself as well, a life 
of which the motive power is self- 
ishness, and of which the fruit will 
be the ruin of the character once 
so sweet and lovable, they would 
stir themselves betimes from the 
calm security in which they fool- 
ishly fancy that all is well. They 
would remember that it is their 
responsibility, so it is their highest 
privilege to mould the character 
in its earlier stages of develop- 
ment, and to cultivate a tone 
which will enable that character 
to stand firm in the day of trial 
and temptation ; and they would 
strive to stamp upon that heart 
the impress of the life of Christ, 
and so, calling out all the trusting 
love with which a boy is always 



i 



1Rellgiou6 fliitluence 



ready to respond to the touch of 
sympathy, would teach him in 
simple words the lesson he should 
learn of purity and manliness. 



13 



CHAPTER II. 

FORMATION OF CHARACTER. 



In the previous chapter an attempt 
was made to show what were the 
reasons why boys are so Httle 
influenced by religion, and what 
results follow from the fact. It 
becomes, therefore, natural to in- 
quire by what means these results 
may be avoided, and in what way 
the power of religion may be 
brought to bear on a boy*s life. 
In a word, what is meant by the 
formation of character ; what form 
the character is to take, and how 
that form may be produced. 

First of all, to define what is 
meant by the formation of char- 
acter. It means taking the natu- 
14 



jformation ot Cbaracter 



ral disposition of a child, and so 
working upon it by putting before 
him high aims and noble motives, 
that there shall grow up in his 
mind the appreciation of what is 
noble and true, and in his will the 
determination steadily and perse- 
veringly to pursue a line of con- 
duct which will realise in his own 
life such aims and ideas. There 
are, however, certain difficulties 
which are liable to hinder the at- 
tainment of this ideal. 

In the first place people often 
fail to grasp the fact, that to un- 
derstand a child is no easy task. 
There are those who are ready to 
say that they can always under- 
stand children and that they won- 
der others find it difficult. Such 
assurance is nearly always doomed 
to failure. A boy*s character is 
no easy and simple thing that can 
be read like a book : rather it is 
made up of very varied motives, 
some of which are intelligible 
enough, while others, hidden deep 
15 



IRell^ton In JSo^booO 



beneath boyish reserve, and possi- 
bly not even suspected, yet make 
the boy act at different times in 
ways which seem quite contradic- 
tory, and which create in those 
who merely look on the surface 
the idea that he is changeable and 
irrational. Those, however, who 
have much to do with boys, soon 
come to learn that they rarely act 
without some motive, and that 
patience and watchfulness will in 
time, if coupled with real sympa- 
thy, discover the motive which, 
like a master-key, unlocks the secret 
recesses of the boy *s mind. The 
power to understand boys thor- 
oughly seems little short of in- 
spiration ; and often when the 
grasp of the character seems so 
insecure that it is most difficult to 
decide on the right line of action, 
a light comes which throws into 
clear relief all that was obscure, 
and enables us to act with a cer- 
tainty very far removed from the 
hesitation which was the result of 
x6 



jformatlon of Cbaracter 



our former ignorance. It has been 
said that Handel wrote parts of the 
Messiah on his knees, and there is 
no doubt that a boy's disposition 
should be studied, and the power 
of understanding it sought, in the 
same posture. 

But it may be objected to all this 
that while the character is still un- 
formed it cannot be difficult to un- 
derstand. And this naturally leads 
on to another reason for the failure 
which mothers often experience in 
training their children. If in some 
cases they fail because they under- 
rate the difficulty of their task, in 
others it is because they entirely 
ignore the differences which exist 
in the constitution of different 
minds. 

Long before any actual system 
of training can be adopted, there 
exist in the mind of every child 
certain natural peculiarities, which 
it is absolutely necessary to study 
most carefully before attempting 
to decide what method will be the 

2 17 



•Religion in :fiSo^booD 



best to adopt in forming the char- 
acter. Some mothers apparently 
fancy that children are all very 
much alike, and that a system 
which has succeeded with one child 
cannot be inapplicable to another, 
forgetting that as each child has 
certain peculiarities of disposition, 
so he requires a treatment which 
takes them into account ; and that 
the shy, hesitating, reserved boy, 
with a natural tendency to deceit, 
will only be made far more deceit- 
ful if treated with the sternness 
which acts as a wholesome check 
on one whose natural disposition 
is open and fearless. 

To study each individual dispo- 
sition, then, is absolutely neces- 
sary; and never to feel satisfied 
with the superficial view which 
merely regards the outward ap- 
pearance and is content if the boy 
is polished and well-mannered, 
without considering what is the 
hidden motive power of which his 
outward actions are but the mani- 



jformatton of Cbaracter 



festations ; and whether that mo- 
tive is such as is likely to produce 
the best possible results in his life, 
both for himself and for others. 

Again there are parents who, 
from the pressure of engagements, 
or from some other cause, are un- 
able to see very, much of their 
children personally, and so are 
obliged to form an opinion of their 
characters and dispositions at 
second-hand, either from govern- 
esses or servants. It is hardly 
necessary to say that in such a case 
— and they are, unfortunately, 
only too common — but little real 
influence can be exerted by the 
parents. It should always be 
possible, and indeed her responsi- 
bility in neglecting it is terrible, 
for a mother to reserve some time 
in the day when she might have 
her children with her, which w^ould 
be of the utmost value in enabling 
her to understand their characters, 
and so to really superintend the 
training which she may be obliged 
19 



IRellgton in aSo^booD 



to a great extent to leave in the 
hands of others. The great ad- 
vantage which a mother should 
have over everyone else in train- 
ing a child is that while they have 
to gain its love, it is hers by right. 
No one can venture to claim 
the intuition which the love of a 
mother, who really cares for her 
children and realises her responsi- 
bility, gives her in dealing with 
every phase of the child's life. 
The love which her own love calls 
forth in the child makes every 
word, every suggestion, every re- 
proof, carry a weight which no one 
else can hope to exert, and there- 
fore to her belongs supremely the 
right as well as the opportunity, 
the power as well as the responsi- 
bility, of forming her children's 
characters. 

There is, however, one qualifi- 
cation without which any mother, 
however loving and helpful she 
may mean to be, will almost cer- 
tainly fail. This is, that she must 



jformation ot Cbaracter 



have perfect sympathy with her 
boy as his hfe expands. 

There are certain phases of a 
boy's Hfe in which such sympathy, 
even for a mother, is hardly pos- 
sible, as real sympathy means the 
being able to feel for another in 
some particular position, which 
can only come from having ex- 
perienced conditions of a similar 
kind. That is not possible for a 
woman in certain cases ; but, 
nevertheless, the feeling that every 
joy, every sorrow, meets with a 
never-failing response, will draw 
the boy's heart to his mother, 
and make him feel that she, more 
than any one else, save perhaps a 
father, can be the confidante of his 
every thought. It prevents the 
gradual development of what is 
the greatest danger of his early 
life, namely, the idea that there 
are certain parts of his life, espe- 
cially when he goes to school, which 
he must keep to himself and at 
which he cannot even hint to those 



21 



IRellgion in :fiSoi2boo& 



at home. I remember vividly an 
answer made to me, when inquir- 
ing how a boy was going on, by a 
mother who more than any I have 
ever met, had acquired the con- 
fidence of her children : * I know 
he is keeping straight and doing 
well/ On being asked on what 
grounds she felt so certain, she 
replied, ' Ry the way he met and 
looked at me, when he came home 
from school. He never can do 
that, when he knows that he has 
something on his mind.* 

It would be impossible to over- 
estimate the power which a mother 
of this kind exerts over her boys. 
To her they bring all their trou- 
bles ; they speak of their aims 
and aspirations; they confide 
even the temptations and trials 
which school-life always brings : 
and then with loving judgment 
and clearest insight she guides 
them towards the Highest Life 
which is the Pattern for boy as it is 
for man and woman. Such sym- 



JFormation ot Cbaractct 



pathy must pervade the whole 
tone of the moral training which 
the mother will impart : in fact it 
will be its essence, as by it she 
will be enabled to deal with every 
phase of boy-life. 



23 



CHAPTER III. 

HOW TO FORM CHARACTER. 



Having considered certain diffi- 
culties which beset, and one 
quahfication which is essential to, 
those who seek to form a boy's 
character, it remains to discover 
what is the best method to adopt. 
The first aim will be to instil the 
admiration of noble deeds, and this 
should be done by stories told to 
the child while quite young, which 
show how men have lived noble 
lives. The childish hero-worship 
may be made into a most potent 
factor in the formation of his char- 
acter. He will learn to associate 
particular virtues, such as courage, 
truthfulness, unselfishness, endur- 

24 



1bow to fform Cbaractct 



ance, with the heroes of various 
stories, and so will gradually seek 
to copy them. And here the 
imitation of Christ, which, as has 
been said, in the reality of religion, 
may be first made possible. Stories 
from the Bible, carefully chosen, 
and put with all reverence into 
childish language, will not only 
help to foster a love for the Book 
itself, but will connect the ideas 
of right with those whose lives 
have been chosen for our ex- 
amples, and above all, with the 
life of our Lord Himself. Many 
a scene from His life may be made 
to illustrate some quality which 
the mother desires to implant in 
her boy. For instance, can any- 
thing appeal more strongly to a 
passionate boy, than to remind 
him what patience and self-control 
really mean, by putting before his 
mind in simple words the scene 
in the judgment-hall of Caiaphas ? 
Then again, much depends upon 
choosing the right books for a 

25 



IReliciion in JSoi^booD 



young boy to read. He will soon 
at school be thrown in the way of 
sensational stories, many of which 
at the present day are most injuri- 
ous. And here perhaps, a word 
of warning might be put in against 
the mushroom growth of weekly il- 
lustrated papers, which endeavour 
to attract boys by combining the 
height of vulgarity, both in draw- 
ing and language, with the nearest 
approach that safety permits to 
what is immoral and indecent. It 
would be difificult to exaggerate 
the harm they do by destroying the 
refinement which is essential to a 
boy's life, and by creating a de- 
praved taste for what is amusing 
only because it is vulgar. The 
craving for excitement of the pres- 
ent day condemns the Waverley 
novels as slow and dull, but at 
least a boy should be advised to 
read no tales of adventure save 
those of the best authors, such as 
Cooper, Ballantyne, Stevenson, or 
Kingston. Above all, no effort 
26 



1bow to aform Cbaractet 



should be spared to ingrain in 
every boy the idea that he should 
scorn what is vulgar, and if this 
were insisted on many a boy naight 
be kept from the trashy literatu-re 
and ^ penny dreadfuls ' which with- 
out doubt have a noxious and 
demoralising tendency. 

It is also very essential that no 
child should be brought into con- 
tact with deceit in those who sur- 
round him. A boy is taught more 
by example than by precept, and 
he will quickly notice and imitate 
the words and actions of those he 
cares for. Every mother who de- 
sires to make her child truthful 
should remember that there is 
nothing so fatal to her hopes as 
allowing him to think that she can, 
even in little things, deceive. A 
child's perception is very quick, 
and he observes and understands 
and is keen to criticise from his 
own point of view much more than 
his parents give him credit for. 
Many a boy has been ruined by 
27 



iReligion in :teoi2boo5 



being entrusted to the care of ser- 
vants who were not ashamed to 
let him see their utter want of 
truth, or their inabihty to control 
their temper. 

Once more, the great virtue of 
unselfishness cannot be taught too 
early. How often the happiness 
of the children's home-life is spoilt 
by their never having been led to 
experience the pleasure of giving 
to others. The nursery or school- 
room, where 'each for himself is 
the motto, is the natural prepara- 
tion for a boyhood and youth 
of selfish and ungenerous indiffer- 
ence to others' feelings and wishes. 
If the child were told that it was 
a duty to think of others, and 
helped to understand it by his 
parents ' example, the generosity 
which is innate in most children 
might be strengthened and in- 
creased. 

In the same connection cruelty 
to animals, which is so common 
as to be considered both instinct- 
28 



fbovo to jform Cbaracter 



ive and inevitable in boys, ought 
to be resolutely checked as soon 
as it is seen : and every effort 
ought to be made to teach the 
boy a feeling for pain in others, 
even in animals, and a hatred of 
wilfully causing it, which unfor- 
tunately are only too rare. Men 
who are brave are not ashamed to 
be tender ; and why should not a 
boy be shown this and made to 
see that it is cowardly to be cruel? 
It would be well also, as one of 
the greatest preventatives against 
such cruelty, that the boy should 
be trained in early years in love 
for, and knowledge of, animal life. 
Where possible, especially in the 
country, he should be allowed, and 
encouraged, to keep pet animals of 
his own, and be taught to show 
thoughtfulness and kindness in 
his dealing with them. To many 
boys a study of the natural Avorld, 
with which they are surrounded, 
may be made a very real factor 
in education, and they might be 
29 



IRell^lon in :©o^booD 



helped to gain a knowledge of 
the habits of animals, if such an 
incentive as some simple vol- 
umes of natural history were 
offered as a reward for an en- 
deavour to master the names of, 
and some facts about, the various 
flowers or birds met with in daily 
walks. 

To pass on now to two ques- 
tions which are of primary import- 
ance in the early part of a boy's 
hfe. 

First, as to the choice of a school 
to which the boy shall be sent. 
The question comes into promi- 
nence at different ages with differ- 
ent boys : but when it is necessary 
to make a choice, how very often 
the most important point is lost 
sight of. The amount and quahty 
of the food, the number of suc- 
cesses obtained by the master in 
training for public schools, the 
social standing of the boys, the 
situation of the school from the 
sanitary point of view, the testi- 
30 



Ibow to jform Character 



monials given to the master by 
parents of former pupils, the rec- 
ommendation of friends, each and 
all of these are in one case or 
another the reason why a particu- 
lar school is selected. They are 
many of them of great importance ; 
but there is one question that 
ought to be asked of himself by 
every parent who wishes to send 
his boy to school : ^ What reason 
have I for believing that my boy 
will receive at this school the help 
he requires in the moral and spirit- 
ual training of his character ? ' A 
real knowledge of the moral tone 
of any school is most difficult to 
obtain ; but no one should allow 
his boy to go to a school without 
having made a real effort to obtain 
it, and being satisfied with the 
result. That the boys are all 
gentlemen is an answer which sat- 
isfies many ; but experience does 
not show that this is a sufficient 
guarantee of the moral tone of 
the school. 

31 



IRellgton in :fiSoi5booD 



Secondly, how far is a boy to be 
warned of the temptations which 
he will meet at school? It is 
generally admitted that it should 
be especially the father's work to 
deal with these questions, as they 
must be by the very nature of the 
case those in which his ^ sympathy ' 
is more real ; and I would venture 
to press upon all fathers the over- 
whelming importance of its being 
done. But in addition, every 
mother might by general warning 
and loving advice do much to 
keep her boy free from what is 
low and degrading. 

There are those who will say 
that it is better to leave a boy to 
find out for himself the evils which 
he will learn at school, and that it 
is dangerous to teach a boy about 
sins and temptations of the very 
existence of which he is ignorant. 
If it were only possible to hope 
that a boy could stay long at 
school without acquiring the 
knowledge which often renders 
32 



Ibow to 3form Cbaractec 



purity so difficult, it might be 
worth while to consider the ques- 
tion of not forewarning him; but 
when boys come home after two 
or three terms at school, even at 
preparatory schools, having learned 
enough to ruin the school life, it 
is essential for all who have worked 
among boys to impress upon par- 
ents most earnestly the responsi- 
bility which they are assuming, if 
they send their boys to school with- 
out attempting to point out to 
them what they should avoid. 

Again, surely it is better that 
the knowledge of the human body 
and its various functions should 
come to a boy in a pure way from 
his parents at home, than in a 
secret, underhand way, which by 
its very secrecy proves its shame, 
from some other boy whose mind 
and character have been already 
contaminated. 

The importance of this question 
cannot be doubted ; indeed, it is 
the pressing question of the pres- 
3 33 



IRellgion in aSo^booD 



ent day how to make our schools 
more pure, and how to save our 
boys from the corruption which 
knowledge, improperly acquired in 
secrecy and stealth, brings. What 
is the result, when these warnings 
are not given, in a large majority 
of cases? The boy goes to school 
having, perhaps, no knowledge of 
the evil he will meet. Little by 
little his curiosity is awakened by 
a few words of conversation which 
he overhears, but he is afraid to 
turn for information to those at 
home, as his bashfulness and their 
entire avoidance of the subject 
make him utterly unable to open 
his mouth. Consequently, he 
gratifies his curiosity by asking 
those at school, who, he thinks, 
know about such things, questions, 
which, when answered, unfold to 
his mind knowledge which he feels 
must be kept secret, and of the 
possession of which he must not 
allow those at home to have 
reason to suspect him. So there 

34 



fhovo to jform Cbaracter 



grows up in the boy the double 
Hfe, with its superficial polish and 
good manners ; while all the time, 
hidden down in the depths of his 
heart, there develops, slowly but 
surely, the evil, which by making 
him deceitful and unreal, saps 
the integrity and openness of his 
earlier years. 

How often it has happened to 
those whose work at school is to a 
great extent directed to checking 
these sins, to hear a mother say of 
her boy, who, possibly, is giving 
trouble by his inclination to false- 
hood or his want of honesty, * at 
least I know he has no vice in him/ 
In fact, however, his insolence, de- 
ceitfulness, or selfishness is merely 
the outward manifestation of the 
corruption that has seized on a 
heart which had not been properly 
prepared to resist the influence of 
bad companions and the sugges- 
tions of an impure curiosity. 

The most certain way in which 
a boy at school can be kept unin- 
35 



IReligton in aSo^booD 



jured by the evil with which he is 
almost sure to be brought in con- 
tact, is by parents realising that 
' forewarned is forearmed * ; and 
that to the boy who has learnt 
from his parents at home the laws 
of the jiature which God has given 
him, and who has been taught that 
to abuse those laws is to bring 
upon himself certain punishment 
and harm, the evil conversation 
which he may hear will bring far 
less injury. For, first of all, it does 
not excite his curiosity by suggest- 
ing what is strange and unknown ; 
and secondly, from its antagonism 
to what he has been taught, and 
its inherent opposition to all that 
is pure and true, to which a boy is 
not disinclined unless he is ruined 
by bad influence, it will create 
disgust and repulsion which will 
effectually protect him from any 
fascination it might otherwise 
exert over him. 

The work of purifying any school 
must be done through individuals, 
36 



Ibow to jform Cbaracter 



and gradually a tone will be cre- 
ated which will check evil in those 
who come there, and strengthen 
good principles in those who are 
desirous to lead a pure, manly life. 
It may seem that too much 
stress has been laid on this one 
point : but many years of expe- 
rience have convinced me, that if 
fathers and mothers would only 
believe that their young boys, even 
before they are ten years old, are 
often corrupted by evil influence, 
they would bestir themselves to 
use the remedy which they are 
most fitted to employ ; and by 
careful warning and loving instruc- 
tion would train their boys in the 
way of purity, and so help to blot 
out what is the greatest curse of 
our schools. 



37 



CHAPTER IV. 

PUNISHMENT.^ 



How difficult it is to punish, 
wisely, justly, calmly, adequately: 
how often failure to do so has pro- 
duced in boys a sense of injustice, 
callousness, obstinacy. 

Is not this the experience of most 
of those whom God has called to 
the work of education, whether as 
parents or teachers ? All we can 
hope to do is to learn ourselves, 
and possibly to help others, by ex- 
perience gained from past failure. 

In the training of a boy the ob- 

* I would venture to advise any one inter- 
ested in this subject to read a valuable chap- 
ter in Stray Papers on Education ^ by B. H. 
(Kegan Paul). 

38 



I 



Ipumsbment 



ject of every punishment must be, 
at least as long as he is at home, 
to teach him that actions which 
break either the laws of God or 
those of his parents, who are to 
him as God's representatives, in- 
volve consequences which cause 
him both suffering and unhappi- 
ness. 

There are two classes of parents 
who fail in making punishment 
take its proper place in the devel- 
opment of character. First there 
are those who either from indo- 
lence, or, as they would probably 
call it, extreme good nature or 
tender-heartedness, cannot bring 
themselves, as they say, to be un- 
kind to their children ; forgetting 
that there is no unkindness on the 
part of parents so great as to al- 
low a child to go on unchecked in 
wrong-doing. The terrible irony 
which is involved in the phrase 
* spoiling ' a child, ought to be 
sufficient to bring home to all, 
except those who are so blind 
39 



IReltgion In JSosbooD 



that they will not see, what is the 
amount of responsibility incurred 
by the father or mother, who de- 
liberately neglects the duty of cor- 
rection. As they sow the wind 
they reap the whirlwind ; and in 
many a life ruined by early dissi- 
pation, in many a home made 
miserable by the son who robs his 
brothers and sisters of their inheri- 
tance by betting and gambling, in 
many a young man whose chance 
IS lost and whose prospects are 
gone, because he has never been 
taught to work, parents may see, 
when it is too late to change the 
past, the result of the * spoiling * 
of a child. 

Then, again, there are those who 
err by over-strictness, and who 
arouse in their children a sense of 
fear so great that they at once 
have recourse to any deception, 
if only the childish error may be 
concealed, and when the system 
of equivocation or deceit has once 
been adopted it may be years be- 
40 



Ipunlebment 



fore it can be eradicated ; but 
meanwhile the love has been lost 
which, between parent and child, 
should be more potent than any 
punishment to make the boy real- 
ise truly the wrong he has done, 
when he sees the sadness and 
shame it brings into the faces of 
those whom he loves best on 
earth. It may be and at times it 
is necessary for a mother to pun- 
ish (though it will be found that 
the more patient the mother the 
less she will punish, and the greater 
her success will be) ; but if she has 
been to him what she ought to be, 
her grief at his fault will make the 
boy feel sorrow in a way that no 
punishment in its ordinary sense 
can do. 

Before considering certain quali- 
ties which are essential to the efifi- 
cacy of any punishment, there are 
two things which parents should 
bear in mind. 

First they must be impartial. 

There is no doubt that likes and 
41 



IReliglon in aSogbooD 



dislikes are very capricious things, 
and that different natures appeal 
to different persons ; so that the 
opinion of two men about an indi- 
vidual whom they both know inti- 
mately would show, along with 
many points of agreement, a cer- 
tain variety which would depend 
upon the extent to which the par- 
ticular nature appealed to one 
more than to the other. And 
as it is with acquaintances and 
friends, so it is even with parents 
and children. The peculiarities 
of disposition of one particular 
child may call up in the mother, 
who yet loves all her children, an 
especial sympathy which makes 
the child especially dear to her. 
This may be inevitable: but yet 
any such feeling must on no ac- 
count be allowed to influence her 
when the question of punishment 
has to be considered. There is 
no more fatal way of introducing 
discord into a home and of creat- 
ing jealousies, which easily ripen 
42 



©unfsbment 



into hatred and antagonism, than 
by giving any semblance of foun- 
dation for the charge of favourit- 
ism. How often a boy says '' If 
my brother had done that no 
notice would be taken, but they 
always pitch on me ' ; and it is 
worth remembering that for each 
one who says it there are possi- 
bly three or four who t/itnk it. It 
is difficult to exaggerate the ef- 
ect which such a feeling has in 
rendering a boy callous and un- 
loving. 

Secondly, they must be really 
consistent. 

But little respect can be felt for 
those who at one time are quite 
ready to overlook an act which at 
another time is treated as a grave 
offence. Boys are keen to see 
that the punishment is not given 
because the parent feels that the 
action requires it, but because the 
father or mother happens to be 
annoyed at something else, and so 
are perfectly ready to visit their 

43 



IReli^lon in :fiSo^booD 



anger on the first person who may 
chance to irritate them. It is 
most difficult to avoid this danger. 
Our views of wrong take their 
colouring so often from our condi- 
tion of mind or body, that those 
who watch themselves closely will 
easily find instances of having 
punished a boy for an act, which 
in brighter or happier moments 
they would have been the first to 
say really did not require it. For- 
tunately, children are quick to for- 
give : and a confession that they 
have been wrong (which no parent 
or teacher should be too proud to 
make) and a caressing touch will 
obliterate the sense of injustice: 
but without this amende honorable^ 
there is created in the child an un- 
certainty about the nature of right 
and wrong, and a distrust of his 
parents' judgment, which is most 
prejudicial to the good results 
that punishments are intended to 
produce. 

And now to consider what is 

44 



Ipunt6bment 



essential if punishment is to fulfil 
its aim of enabling a boy to turn 
his faults into a means of improve- 
ment, that he may realise 

* That men may rise on stepping-stones 
Of their dead selves to higher things.* 

First, punishments, as far as 
possible, should have a connection 
with the offence. It would be 
well indeed, if more attention were 
paid to the well-known words, 
' to make the punishment fit the 
crime.* There is a very common 
idea that as long as you punish it 
does not matter how ; that if a 
boy does not behave well in church 
he should have no pudding at 
dinner ; or that if he is greedy and 
selfish he should learn the multi- 
plication-table. 

For instance, if a boy has been 
caught in a small act of dishonesty, 
such as taking sweets or eatables 
at home, the right method would 
be to show the boy he could not 
be trusted by not allowing him for 

45 



TReli^ion in JSo^booD 



a certain time to be alone in the 
room where they are kept. Or, 
again, if a boy has been greedy or 
ill-mannered at meals, to make him 
have his meals either in a separate 
room or at a side table, because he 
is unfit to associate with others 
until he can behave better. 

Secondly, all punishments 
should be in proportion to the 
gravity of the offence. As parents 
often do not stop to consider the 
nature of the punishment, so they 
often forget to consider the amount 
required. 

For instance, one brother com- 
plains that an elder one has hurt 
him, and without inquiring into 
the circumstances, without asking 
if provocation was given, the elder 
one is sent to his room for the 
day, and left to brood upon the 
injustice of his treatment. A few 
questions would have shown that 
the blow or injury had been pro- 
voked by continued teasing by 
the younger one, which fact, had 
46 



Ipuntebment 



it been ascertained, would have 
thrown a new light on the matter ; 
and though the elder one should 
be corrected to teach him self- 
restraint, it should be lightly, and 
not so as to make the wound 
rankle in his mind. Again, if 
children are well shaken for spill- 
ing some milk at breakfast, how 
can they be taught that untruth is 
more serious ? 

In order to prevent this want of 
proportion in the infliction of pun- 
ishment, it is a very valuable rule 
not to punish for any grave offence 
without taking time for thought. 
The advantage to be gained is that 
there is less chance of the judg- 
ment being warped by temper, or 
some other cause, which would 
make the parent unable to see 
what the circumstances of the case 
really require. 

Again, it is best that the punish- 
ment given should not be extended 
over a long period. It must not 
be forgotten that the object of 
47 



IRell^ion in aSo^booD 



punishment is to correct with a 
view to improvement, and that, 
as soon as possible, the child should 
be encouraged to try to amend 
his ways. There is no more fatal 
mistake, for instance, in dealing 
with a boy with a tendency to de- 
ceit, who has been detected in a 
deliberate lie, than to let him feel 
that for a long time he will be 
mistrusted. Whatever punish- 
ment may be needed should be 
inflicted ; and then at once the 
boy should be told that he will 
be trusted again and his word be- 
lieved as much as if he had not 
told the lie.^ He will not resent 
the watchfulness which would help 
him to avoid untruth ; but he will 
be utterly disheartened should he 
feel that, for a long time at any 
rate, the burden of his fault will 
lie upon him, and that he will 
never be free from suspicion. Such 
treatment may be necessary in 
cases of confirmed and persistent 

* Cf, Stray Papers, p. 137. 

48 



Ipuni6bment 

untruthfulness, but it is simply 
disastrous if adopted in the earlier 
stages, when there is good hope 
that he can be saved before the 
habit of untruth has begun to form 
part of his character. 

It will hardly be necessary to 
urge that on no account should 
a boy ever be taunted with the 
wrong he has done in the past. 
Sarcasm, tempting as it often is, 
is cowardly, and beyond measure 
resented by boys : and whether 
indulged in to himself alone, or 
before others, will only embitter 
his mind, and make him use that 
expression which is so painful to 
hear from a boy's lips : ' It is no 
good trying ; they will never be- 
lieve me.' 

It may be well before closing 
this chapter to say a few words 
about corporal punishment. Is it 
defensible, is it advisable, or is it 
injurious ? 

The tendency of the present 
day seems to regard it as either 

4 49 



IReli^fon In JSoi^booD 



degrading or brutal, as its effect 
is considered either on the child 
or the parent. It is scarcely worth 
while to regard seriously the sen- 
timentality which represents the 
blackguard who beats his wife or 
assaults children as being degraded 
by being flogged, though, unfor- 
tunately, even this view has its ad- 
vocates among those who pose as 
the champions of higher civilisa- 
tion : but when schools are nowa- 
days offering as a bait to parents 
' no corporal punishment,* it is 
worth while to see whether there 
is wisdom in this departure from 
old custom. There is no doubt 
that in some schools, as in some 
homes, the practice of caning or 
birching was carried to great ex- 
cess ; but at the same time, what 
other punishment is there which 
is such a keen incentive to an idle 
boy to make him work ? Constant 
detention indoors, long impositions 
to write or learn are not merely 
a.n injury to health as depriving 
50 



IPunisbment 



him of active exercise, but are by 
their very length and tediousness 
crushing to his mind, and Hable to 
render him callous, indifferent, or 
sullen : whereas the short sharp 
pain of corporal punishment, which 
should never be inflicted except 
thoroughly and so as not to be- 
come a mere farce, not only makes 
him w^ork better, but prevents the 
consequences which follow from 
the alternative treatment. 

At home it should only be used 
for grave cases : but I believe for 
such as stealing, deliberate diso- 
bedience persisted in, and cruelty 
to a younger brother or sister, the 
advice of Solomon has lost none 
of its weight. If the boy sees that 
the infliction is as great a punish- 
ment to his parent as it is to him- 
self, it will take away any feeling 
of suUenness, and only make him 
aware that the gravity of the fault 
is proved by the exceptional nature 
of the punishment. There is all 
the difference in the world between 
51 



IReliglon In aSoi^booD 



this method and that of constantly 
boxing a child's ears or otherwise 
knocking him about, which can 
never have a beneficial effect. 

The one point that must always 
be before a parent's mind is to 
make the boy realise that he has 
wounded his love, and that he has 
to suffer this punishment because 
he must be taught that misdeeds 
involve suffering : but that, while 
the parent is bound to inflict it, 
he feels the boy's wrong-doing 
himself most keenly ; and the boy 
who realises that he has saddened 
father or mother, who punish him 
although, or rather because, they 
love him, will look upon the griev- 
ing them as the most important 
part of what he may be called 
upon to bear. 



52 



CHAPTER V. 

SPIRITUAL TRAINING. 



We have been considering hitherto 
the training of boys mainly from 
the moral side : that is, the forma- 
tion of their characters so that 
they may become manly, pure, 
honourable, and true. But as 
Christians we have to consider 
more than this. It is not enough 
for us to be moral and upright, for 
we cannot forget that character 
must be the outcome of a principle 
which must underlie and mould 
our every action, that principle 
being the desire to make our rela- 
tion to God through Christ the 
foundation of our moral character. 
It is a matter of course nowa- 
53 



1ReIi0ion ill SSo^booD 



days that our children shall be 
baptised soon after birth ; but it is 
not every parent that realises the 
responsibility which that act in- 
volves. We choose to claim for 
our little ones a relationship which 
nature itself cannot give, we ac- 
cept for them the obligations 
which the Christian life, as ex- 
pounded by its Founder, lays upon 
its members. Are w^e doing all 
we can to deepen in them year by 
year the need of corresponding 
with, of acting up to, the privilege 
bestowed ? 

In the novels of the present day 
it is not uncommon to hear reli- 
gious people condemned as neces- 
sarily equivalent to humbugs, and 
if by religious people are meant 
those who are prepared at any 
moment to pour out carefully 
turned phrases about God's good- 
ness, their own weakness, and the 
sadness which the conduct of some- 
body else causes them, the condem- 
nation may be just. But surely 
54 



Spiritual Srainina 



there are many who without cant- 
ing talk or glibly uttered plati- 
tudes, do yet give unmistakable 
proof that there is in their lives a 
hidden motive power which forms 
and shapes their characters. Such 
we want our boys to be, and it is 
for parents to create in them some 
such aim before the temptations 
of life begin to exert their full 
influence. 

Above all, in endeavouring to 
impress upon a young boy, (and 
the process cannot be begun too 
early) that his actions should be 
controlled by a spiritual motive, 
two things are necessary. First, 
it must be done quite naturally : 
secondly, it must be effected by 
example more than by precept. 

A child soon learns to see 
through the religion which is evi- 
dently artificial ; put on at certain 
times and laid aside at others ; 
kept for Sunday, or brought out 
when the presence of some visitor 
seems to require it to be put prom- 
55 



IReli^ion in JSoi^booD 



inently forward, but relegated to 
the background in the worry of 
every-day life. 

But on the other hand he is 
perfectly capable of appreciating 
that what he is being taught is a 
reality to the person who teaches. 
He finds his mother worried and 
troubled yet all the time he sees 
patience, which he cannot under- 
stand ; and when she begins to 
suggest the need of putting a curb 
on his own temper on the ground 
that he is the servant of Him who 
was always patient, the truth 
flashes upon him that his mother 
has tried to learn the same lesson, 
and he too resolves to do his best 
to follow her example. 

Contrast the power of that in- 
fluence with that of the mother 
who visits with hasty words and 
sharp rebuke even a slight fault 
which either a child or a servant 
may have committed ; and then, 
when perhaps the time comes for 
giving her boy instruction on the 
56 



spiritual (Training 



Catechism, tells him that one of a 
Christian's duties is forbearance 
and patience. 

Influence over boys is gained by 
calmness and self-control, not by 
noise and bluster. 

The first step in the training of 
the spiritual life must be the teach- 
ing of prayen In very early years 
it is not necessary to go beyond 
the Lord's Prayer, carefully ex- 
plained. But the young child, who, 
perhaps in the morning is allowed 
to come into his mother's room, 
and sees her kneel down while he 
is bidden to keep very quiet ; and 
who, in answer to his childish 
question, is told that she is ^speak- 
ing to God,' will soon feel it natu- 
ral to come to her night and 
morning that he may learn to 
' speak to God ' for himself. Then, 
besides the Lord's Prayer, should 
be added some few words, in which 
he can be helped to speak to God 
of his own life and wants. The 
great mistake that mothers make 
57 



IRcIigion in JSoi^booD 



on the subject of their children's 
prayers is that they do not gradu- 
ally adapt them to the growing in- 
telligence of the child. I have 
often known boys come to school 
who, at the age of thirteen, have 
never said, and have never been 
advised to say, more than the 
Lord's Prayer and ' Gentle Jesus, 
meek and mild.' Very excellent 
were such prayers for them at four 
or five years old, but now they 
need to be supplemented if they 
are to be in touch with the boy's 
life ; for unless prayer develops in 
harmony with the developing life 
its spiritual influence is in danger 
of being unfelt. The boy should 
be taught as he reaches the age of 
seven or eight years, to ask him- 
self two or three simple questions 
as to sins possibly committed 
during the day, and then to con- 
fess to God, and in early years at 
any rate to his mother as well, 
what he has done wrong. Above 
all, when a mother is helping her 
58 



Spiritual draining 



boy to conquer some besetting 
fault, she should suggest to him 
some simple words in which he can 
ask God at his morning prayer for. 
help against it. Both morning and 
evening a short form of interces- 
sion for his parents, brothers, and 
sisters, should be used ; and he 
should be told that we can help 
each other much by praying for 
one another, and should be en- 
couraged to do it. 

This idea will receive additional 
strength if the child, when old 
enough to remain quiet, is allowed 
to come down to family prayers. 
If he fidgets and is troublesome, 
he should be told that he is not 
fit to come, and that he must stay 
away until he can learn to keep 
still ; a course, which, if accom- 
panied with a clear explanation of 
what family prayer means, will 
soon render him anxious to be 
considered fit to come to that 
which he sees his elders value. 

Boys often fail to appreciate the 
59 



IRellgion in aSoi^booD 



value of prayer because they are 
taught only to pray for spiritual 
blessings. If the habit of making 
ordinary pleasures, pursuits, and 
occupations subjects of prayer 
were put before them, it would 
help them to realise that ordinary 
life is a matter for, and subject to, 
Divine providence and control. 
Would they not better understand 
the love of God their Father if 
they were encouraged to ask Him, 
with the simple reservation * not 
my will but Thine be done,' for 
help in their work and their games 
which, after all, form the centre of 
interest in their lives ? 

But if the boy is to be taught 
that by prayer he is best enabled 
to imitate Him Whose servant he 
is, he should also be led to under- 
stand the leading features of that 
life by reading the Bible. Famili- 
arity with the various incidents of 
our Lord's life will help him the 
more clearly to observe how He 
met temptations similar to those 
60 



Spiritual draining 



to which the boy feels that he is 
exposed, and so will point out to 
him how to meet them himself. 
It is a most useful plan to train a 
boy to read a few verses of the 
Bible daily ; but it is important 
that the passages chosen should 
be those which a boy can easily 
understand and which are of a 
nature to attract him. Great care 
should be taken not to weary him, 
and at first his mother could do 
much by reading them with him, 
and showing him what lessons he 
could draw for himself out of what 
he reads ; and then when he leaves 
home for school, if certain verses 
were arranged for each day it 
would constitute something of a 
bond between mother and son, 
who in reading them would feel 
a nearness which might have a 
very considerable effect on the 
boy. 

Again, how strange it seems to 
boys to be told that there is any 
need for them to practise self- 

6i 



IRell^lon In :©o^booD 



denial. What a power it would 
be to stifle the selfishness which 
seems so characteristic of growing 
boys, if they were taught from 
early years to deny themselves, in 
some little way, on those special 
days, for the sake of the Lord 
about Whose sufferings they read, 
and in obedience to the rules of 
the Church whose children they 
are said to be. In all these mat- 
ters boys can be taught, and will 
respond, if only the teaching is be- 
gun early enough, and if they see 
that their parents practise and val- 
ue such things, and if too much is 
not expected of them. ' We won't 
have sweets to-day, because it is 
Friday ' seems, possibly, grotesque 
to some people, but it has a w^orld 
of meaning for a child. 

Then there comes the question 
of how to make going to church a 
help, and not a weariness, to a 
young boy. The weak point in 
most cases is that he comes to 
regard it as a penance, not a privi- 
62 



Spiritual ^ralntn^ 



lege. First of all, a child should 
be taken when very young to some 
short service which, nowadays, it 
is nearly always possible to find ; 
and encouraged to be quiet and 
reverent. If it is seen that he 
does not keep still, he should be 
told that mother is sorry he is not 
good enough to come with her 
where she cares to go. That will, 
in most cases, ensure at any rate 
some attempt being made to show 
that he need not be left behind ; 
but he should not be forced to go 
against his will. It should be 
made clear to him that attendance 
is no good except from a right 
motive. Gradually the service 
should be thoroughly explained, 
and he should be shown how to 
find his own places in his books, 
but let only short services be 
chosen, the greatest reverence be 
insisted on, under pain of being 
kept away ; and the sorrow of his 
parents that their boy is not fit to 
accompany them be made both 
63 



IReliQion in JSo^booJ) 



real and intelligible. Little by 
little, he may be allowed to go 
twice on Sunday, and to longer 
services. And here, perhaps, I 
.may be permitted to mention th^it 
cf all services which can be made 
useful to a boy over nine years 
old, i believe the Holy Commu- 
nion serviice to be pre-eminently 
the best., A boy can be taught to 
worship ; he finds at that service 
some time in which he can say his 
own private prayers and interces- 
sions, and, with adequate explana- 
tions, there is a central feature in 
that service which boys can be led 
to grasp thoroughly. 

It may be that some of my 
readers are not prepared to accept 
this opinion. If so, I would 
simply say that I am not anxious 
to press upon anyone what they 
do not feel they can accept ; and 
that I have merely made this 
suggestion because I know, by 
practical experience, that boys 
can, and do, value the privilege of 
64 



Spiritual Cratntn^ 



being present, even before their 
Confirmation, at that service. 

Lastly, there is preparation for 
Confirmation. A great deal more 
is being made of this at the present 
day in our leading public schools, 
than was the case formerly : but 
on the whole, I am not satisfied 
that I should, in all cases, recom- 
mend a boy being prepared at 
school. There have been many 
instances in which a master, with 
the best possible intentions, 
thought he had done his duty 
if he merely gave his pupils a 
certain number of lessons on the 
Catechism, and made them find 
out some * Scripture proofs.' 
What is really necessary is that, 
whether at home or at school, 
parents should endeavour to find 
some clergyman who, they believe, 
has real knowledge and experience 
of boys, and who will make it 
clear that the preparation of the 
heart is infinitely more important 
than that of the mind. He should 
5 65 



IRellglon in :J6o^boo& 



not be content with merely talking 
to the boy ; but, above all, should 
strive to make the boy talk about 
his own life. Many men, either 
from shyness or from thinking it 
unwise, hesitate to touch the more 
difficult questions except in general 
terms. I am convinced that this 
is not sufficient ; and, having been 
advised early in my own work with 
boys always to speak quite openly, 
I have, I know, been enabled to 
help some whom otherwise I 
could not have reached ; and 
those to whom I have handed on 
the same advice have found by 
experience the immense value of 
it. 

This period should be the most 
important in a boy*s life. He is 
at an impressionable age — about 
fourteen I believe to be generally 
the best — he is by no means in- 
clined to think lightly of what he 
is doing ; high aims can therefore 
be either formed or deepened 
'^vithin him with peculiar ease by 
66 



Spiritual ^rainin^ 



one who has sympathy enough to 
touch his heart. He should be 
taught the responsibility which 
the gift of the Holy Ghost then 
sought imposes on him ; that life 
can never be the light and unim- 
portant matter which he may have 
deemed it ; and that he is pledged 
to do battle against wrong, after 
the pattern of Him who was Med 
up by the Spirit to be tempted/ 
He should be shown how best to 
examine his life, and to make a 
real confession of past sins ; and 
then to look on with hope to the 
power which he will receive to 
stand steadfast and do battle for 
God. 

But pre-eminent ought to stand 
his first Communion, which, though 
greater care is being taken about 
preparation for Confirmation, is 
still not made the chief event 
to which he should look fore- 
ward, and for which the greatest 
reverence, and the fullest instruc- 
tion, are essential. There is no 
67 



IRellgion in aSo^booD 



moment in a boy's life when his 
hopes are purer and truer, and 
when thoughts of hoHness and 
purity more fill hisheart, than when 
he kneels for the first time — it may 
be with his parents, it may be in 
his school chapel — to receive that 
Sacred Food. But the hopes will 
fade, the aims become dim, unless 
he is helped to see the need of 
regularly, at least once a month 
and more frequently as he grows 
older, coming to renew his 
spiritual life with its appointed 
sustenance. 

Such, all imperfectly sketched, 
is the development of the boy*s 
life on the spiritual side : often 
stunted and warped by want of 
care, of guidance, of example; 
but yet which may be made the 
greatest safeguard to preserve 
him from the temptations which 
youth and early manhood are 
sure to bring. 



68 



CHAPTER VI. 

RELIGIOUS INSTRUCTION. 



In May 1889 a Committee was ap- 
pointed by the House of Laymen 
to ascertain the standard of re- 
Hgious education commonly at- 
tained by boys before coming to 
public schools. As a result of 
communicating with a large num- 
ber of headmasters, the Committee 
came to the conclusion, that the 
standard is for the most part be- 
low what might be hoped or ex- 
pected ; that even this low stand- 
ard is deteriorating ; and, further, 
that the chief cause of deteriora- 
tion is considered to be the want 
of home teaching. 

In accordance with the report 
69 



IRellGion in JSoi^booJ) 



of the Committee the House 
passed the following resolution in 
February 1891. ' That the church 
should by all means in her power, 
earnestly urge upon all parents 
the duty of laying a good founda- 
tion of religious knowledge by 
systematic reading and study, at 
home, with their children, of the 
Holy Scriptures and of the Creeds, 
Catechism, and the Prayer Book 
generally.' 

There can be but little doubt 
that such instruction is most seri- 
ously needed, and that parents 
who neglect to give some intelli- 
gent teaching on these questions, 
and above all who leave the Bible 
an unopened book to their chil- 
dren are letting slip a chance, 
which can never return, of estab- 
lishing in them an attitude tow- 
ards the Bible which will be their 
best safeguard in meeting the dififi- 
'eultie3 of later years. 

In the present day critical ques- 
tions concerning the Holy Scrip- 
70 



Kicl\Qio\x6 Unstruction 



tures are exercising the minds of 
many people ; and it is in no spirit 
of dogmatism that one or two sug- 
gestions are made by which, it is 
hoped, parents may be enabled to 
prepare their children to meet in 
the future these questions which 
cannot possibly be evaded. 

Surely the greatest safeguard of 
all is to instil the spirit of rever- 
ence as deeply as possible. The 
boy should be taught to treat the 
Book differently from other books ; 
the fact that it is the record of 
God's revelation of Himself to 
man should be kept before him ; 
and any light or flippant use of 
either words or texts should be 
quietly shown to be dishonouring 
to Him. The old custom of never 
allowing another book to be placed 
upon the Bible had much mean- 
ing for a child ; and any copy 
which has been worn and come to 
pieces by use should be burnt, but 
never carelessly left lying about. 
No discussions on controverted 
71 



1Relic;ion in JSo^booD 



questions should be allowed before 
children ; and if they should by 
accident arise, the boy should 
learn from the demeanour of his 
parents the gravity and solemnity 
with which such questions should 
be approached. 

In teaching the Old Testament, 
I would suggest that the most 
profitable way, as well as the most 
interesting to children, is to con- 
fine the attention mainly to the 
more important lives. Through 
them the history can be suffi- 
ciently learnt : and by this means 
the distaste which is caused by 
requiring a boy to learn what he 
considers merely dry, historic mat- 
ter, such as the list of the kings 
which at one time was considered 
so essential, may be avoided. 

In early years the lives should 
be put reverently into the plainest 
possible language and told orally : 
and much use might be made of 
pictures at this period. There are 
many who can remember the im- 
72 



1Religiou6 flnetruction 



pression which was produced by 
really good pictures (and no others 
should ever be employed) : and 
certainly by no word-painting can 
a scene be called to mind or ren- 
dered nearly so vivid to a child as 
by a picture. The value of pic- 
tures may continue even after the 
stage of childhood ; and they may 
help as well as interest many a 
schoolboy by keeping plainly be- 
fore him the surroundings of the 
incident which he seeks to remem- 
ber. 

But besides the use of pictures, 
as the boy grows older he should 
read with his mother the lives as 
they are actually described in the 
words of the Bible, and references 
to the New Testament may be 
looked out ; as such a method 
will bring out clearly the relation 
of the Type in the Old to the 
Antitype in the New Testa- 
ment. Critical questions respect- 
ing authorship or historical 
accuracy should in the case of 
73 



IReligton In J8oBboo^ 



young children never be unneces- 
sarily obtruded but inquiry should 
not be stifled, while questions 
should never be turned aside, 
but answered intelligently. At 
the same time father or mother 
should not hesitate to acknow- 
ledge ignorance, if they feel it : 
and should impress upon the boy 
the fact that he cannot expect 
either now to have all his questions 
answered, or when he is older to 
be able to find an answer for them 
himself. It should be kept before 
him that above all the Bible is the 
manifestation of God as Holy : 
and that the historic books were 
written with the special purpose 
of viewing history from the moral 
standpoint, i.e, in the results 
which followed from certain lines 
of action. 

If in early years we teach rever- 
ence, and the use of the lives of 
the saints of the old covenant to 
exemplify moral lessons to our 
boys, we have at least done some- 
74 



IReligious flnstructton 



thing to lay a foundation on which 
future knowledge can be built. 

The practice of keeping all re- 
ligious teaching in the parents* 
own hands would prevent such 
an answer as was once given to 
a boy who asked how St. Peter 
could pray upon a housetop. The 
nurse who was ignorant of the 
construction of eastern houses 
and was ashamed to confess her 
ignorance replied, ' Don't doubt 
the Bible, child.' It would be 
difficult to imagine an answer 
more foolish or more dangerous. 

In the New Testament all teach- 
ing should begin with our Lord's 
life, of which the details should 
be learnt in early years. A boy 
should know clearly what is told 
us of our Lord's Birth and early 
years, Temptation, Sufferings, 
Death, Resurrection, and As- 
cension. When that foundation 
knowledge has been acquired, he 
might be shown how our Lord's 
life is a pattern for his ov/n life 
75 



IRcliQion in JBo^booD 



and he should be led to look to 
it as the standard of his own 
conduct. He might then read 
the accounts in the Gospels to 
fill up the outlines which had 
been thoroughly impressed on his 
mind. 

He might also learn something 
of the history of the Acts of the 
Apostles ; care being still taken 
to use mainly the interesting 
scenes in the lives of one or other 
of the Apostles, and not to weary 
him by speeches or purely historic 
passages which in early years the 
boy will not understand or appre- 
ciate 

Above all things lessons from 
the Bible should always be made 
short and interesting ; and every 
precaution taken to avoid the 
boy's looking upon such instruc- 
tion as a drudgery. Parents 
should aim at giving their expla- 
nations in simple language ; and 
should not think it beneath their 
dignity either to look in some 
76 



1Religiou6 Ifnetructlon 

book or possibly consult a clergy- 
man if they are at a loss for an 
answer to some question. 

But besides receiving instruc- 
tion in the Bible a boy should be 
taught something of the meaning 
of the Creed which he confesses. 
It is surely most saddening to 
see how often boys of religious 
parents, and even of clergymen, 
are allowed to go on year after 
year saying the Apostles' Creed 
while yet they have scarcely any 
idea of the meaning of many of 
the expressions it contains. On 
such points as our Lord's Birth, 
His descent into Hell, the Holy 
Spirit, the Holy Catholic Church, 
the ignorance of many a public- 
school boy is simply appalling. 

It is impossible to say what 
results might not follow if reli- 
gious instruction was realised to 
be a duty by parents generally. 
It might be the means of saving 
many boys whose faith is unpre- 
pared to meet - the assaults of 
77 



IReligfon in asogbooD 



scepticism and infidelity : and it 
would at any rate create, what 
the Church of England so sorely 
needs at the present moment, a 
strong, well-informed body of lay- 
men, not to speak of clergy, who 
are fully alive to the privilege 
and responsibility of the Catholic 
inheritance. 

I cannot, I feel, do better than 
conclude these few suggestions 
with some words from one who 
has special means of knowing the 
present condition of things. The 
headmaster of Haileybury, in a 
valuable chapter on Religion in 
Mothers and SonSy says to mothers 

(p. 57): 

* It is the absolutely necessary 

teaching about God and His 
Church and His Word that is at 
stake, and there where it is per- 
fectly possible, it is your plain 
duty to lay securely the first foun- 
dations. There is nothing in this 
suggestion that need alarm any- 
one. I am not asking you to 
78 



•Religious Ifnetructlon 



embark on a long course of contro- 
versial theology, but only to lay 
the foundations of Church history, 
knowledge of Church worship, of 
the Creeds, of the Catechism, be- 
fore he goes to school, and, if 
possible, to build upon them after- 
wards.* 



79 



if 



CHAPTER VIL 

THE KEEPING OF SUNDAY. 



The problems connected with this 
question are so complex, and the 
views taken of it so varied and 
and even antagonistic, that it will 
seem to many presumptuous to 
attempt to deal with it in this 
book ; but it appears to me to be 
cowardly to avoid it because it is 
difificult, especially as it has a very 
direct bearing on the training of 
boys. 

I should wish, however, to make 
it clear that it does not come 
within the scope of our inquiry to 
consider how far young men are 
justified in making Sunday a day 
of recreation, or how much excuse 
80 



^be IReeping ot SunDai^ 



may be found in the fact that 
throughout the week they are 
engaged in business which gives 
scarcely any time for outdoor 
pursuits. This book is concerned 
with boys lone ; and though it is 
true that the child is father of the 
man and that therefore the views 
taken in later years on this subject 
are modelled, to some extent at 
any rate, on previous training, 
yet it must be with that training 
alone that we are concerned. 

But even with this limitation 
the question remains an exceed- 
ingly difificult one ; and it is im- 
possible to hope that all who may 
chance to see these words will be 
able to accept the suggestions I 
am desirous of making ; yet at the 
same time I would ask them to 
regard the attempt made to deal 
with this subject as conceived in 
no dictatorial spirit ; but merely as 
inspired by the hope that it may 
be of some use in stimulating 
thought in those who feel how 

6 8i 



IReligfon in :Boi2boo& 



very urgent is the necessity in 
the present day of coming to 
some definite conclusion on this 
point. Possibly, also, it may lead 
some parents to consider whether 
the method they are pursuing is 
the one best adapted to promote 
the object they have at heart, 
which for Christian parents must 
be to teach the boy so to use Sun- 
day that by it he may glorify God 
and help on his own spiritual life. 
So far there would, probably, 
be no divergence of opinion ; but 
when the theory is carried out 
into practice, differences of the 
gravest kind will arise. There 
are some who hold that the desired 
end is best attained by drawing a 
very marked distinction between 
Sunday and other days ; by in- 
sisting on the laying aside of ordi- 
nary occupations, ordinary read- 
ing, ordinary amusements, as 
unfitted to the solemnity of God*s 
Day. Others, on the contrary, 
believe that things which may be 
82 



Cbe IReepin^ of SunDag 



done on week-days are not wrong 
on Sundays ; and that while due 
attention is paid to attendance at 
church, it is quite permissible for 
a boy to spend other parts of the 
day in innocent amusements. To 
put it in a concrete form, some 
parents forbid all games except 
those that are specially considered 
* Sunday games/ and deal either 
directly or indirectly with sacred 
subjects, allow nothing to be read 
except Bible stories or ' good 
books,' and strive to keep up a 
real solemnity throughout the day ; 
while others allow ordinary books, 
ordinary games, so long as they are 
not too noisy, and treat the day 
more like a quiet weekday ; both 
classes of course agreeing in the 
necessity of going to church, 
though differing in the number 
and character of the services which 
they wish their children to attend. 
I believe that, as is generally the 
case, truth lies between the two 
extremes: and that, while both 
83 



IRelfQion in :fiSoBbooO 



lines of teaching contain elements 
that are valuable, yet the adherents 
of both views are in danger of de- 
feating the object they so earnestly 
seek by failing to appreciate the 
point of view of those from whom 
they differ. 

It is surely not right to make a 
boy feel that he should expect to 
do on Sundays exactly what he 
does on weekdays : it is most use- 
ful to make him learn that, while 
things need not be absolutely 
wrong, yet they may not be expe- 
dient ; and it might be put before 
him that his parents feel bound to 
respect the prejudices of those who 
would be offended by what they 
would consider too great laxity ; 
while on the other hand it is our 
duty to take care lest we set an 
example of indifference to those 
who perhaps are unable to know 
the reasons for our actions, and 
who gladly would quote us as in- 
stances of people who do not ob- 
serve Sunday at all, and so would 
84 



Zbc IReeplng ot SunDae 



throw off the restraints which 
hitherto in this land have been so 
valuable in helping to maintain a 
spirit of respect for the day. 

But while this is true, it is impos- 
sible to agree with those who try 
by rules and restraints to keep up 
in the young an atmosphere of 
unworldliness which as being arti- 
ficial is totally alien to their nature. 
Two results follow : sometimes 
boys congregate apart from their el- 
ders and complain in no measured 
terms of ' what a dull day Sunday 
is * ; sometimes they retire to some 
secret place to resume the story 
book which they dare not read 
openly. 

It is not easy to overestimate 
the danger of giving young boys 
a distaste for religious things ; as 
to do so almost invariably ends in 
a recoil which leads them, when 
beyond parental control, to rejoice 
in their freedom and to have noth- 
ing to do with things that ^ bored ' 
them so much in early days. 
•85 



IReliGiou in SSoi^booJ) 



Parents should remember that 
it is utterly unnatural for boys to 
keep their feelings at a strain for 
any length of time; and while doing 
all in their power to teach the boy 
to worship God as long as he is in 
church, should not expect him to 
be able to keep his thoughts con- 
centrated on sacred things through- 
out the entire day. Very few 
grown-up people can do it ; and it 
is not only unreal but dangerous 
to maintain an external standard 
to which nothing internal corre- 
sponds. 

The question of the number and 
character of the services which it 
is well to attend should be treated 
on the same lines. 

Long services should be avoided, 
as boys are incapable of real atten- 
tion for a great length of time. 
Surely the old service of past years 
consisting of Matins, Litany, Ante- 
Communion Service, and Sermon, 
with perhaps a long evening Ser- 
vice and Sermon later in the day 
86 



tTbe Ikeeping of Sun5aig 



cannot be said to have been bene- 
ficial to boys ; they rarely tried to 
enter into the meaning of it at all 
and only longed for the end. 

It is most important to teach 
boys that the object of going to 
church is to worship, that is, to 
give something to God and not 
merely to receive some benefit for 
oneself, and for that reason I be- 
lieve that sermons which are rarely 
couched in language calculated to 
instruct a young boy, and which 
do not help the idea of worship, 
are best avoided in early years. 
To take a boy out of church before 
the sermon, because he is not old 
enough to understand it, is more 
likely to lead to a desire to stay 
and gain good than to an anxiety 
to continue his freedom as he 
grows older. 

I would suggest a short morning 
service in which boys up to the age 
of eight or nine years should not 
be expected to stay for the sermon 
unless they wished it, or what, as I 
87 



IReligion in JjSoi5boo& 



said in a former chapter, I believe 
would be better, at any rate after 
nine years old, attendance at a 
choral celebration of the Holy 
Communion, and then evening 
service. If a boy had been to an 
early service to receive the Holy 
Communion I should not expect 
him to go again till the evening. 

And for the remainder of the 
day I should let him read what he 
liked, give him a short (about half 
an hour) instruction on Creed or 
Catechism ; and allow any quiet 
game with a ball in the garden, 
while forbidding a regular game 
such as cricket or tennis. 

It might be possible, and if so 
it is most desirable, to occupy an 
hour on Sunday afternoon in read- 
ing some story aloud. Most boys 
infinitely prefer a book being read 
to them to reading it for them- 
selves ; as the reader can leave 
out those parts which are not es- 
pecially interesting to children, 
and the scenes described become, 
88 



Zbc Ikceping ot SunDag 



if well read, more vivid and life- 
like. A still better plan is for the 
mother to read the book over care- 
fully three or four times, and hav- 
ing mastered the chief points of 
the story, to tell it instead of read- 
ing it. This is certainly more 
difficult : but no one who has tried 
it, with any measure of success, 
can have failed to notice the in- 
terest with which boys of almost 
any age will follow the thread of 
the story, and the eagerness for 
its continuance which they will 
display. To make this a special 
Sunday treat will add one peculiar 
interest to the day, and stories 
might be chosen to be read or told 
which, like those of the Rev. J. M. 
Neale or the Rev. A. D. Crake, 
tell facts of Church History or 
events in the lives of the Saints of 
old in most attractive form. 

To conclude, the whole question 

of Sunday recreation must be one 

of degree. If the day is made one 

of strained seriousness, if prohibi- 

89 



IRell^ion in aSoBbooS 



tion of all innocent amusements 
is rigidly enforced, and if a stand- 
ard is set up before a boy to which 
his elders find it most difficult to 
act up, there is the danger, which 
has been realised in only too many 
cases, that he will revolt, as he 
grows older, from a strictness 
which he has felt to be galling in 
his early days : and the recoil 
from rigidity may lead, as is only 
too probable, to a laxity which will 
produce entire indifference to 
spiritual things. 

If on the other hand no attempt 
it made to draw a distinction be- 
tween Sunday and other days, 
and all amusements continue un- 
changed, there is surely the danger 
of withdrawing one important safe- 
guard against the tendency to 
secularise the whole of life, which 
is becoming only too common ; 
and in later years Sunday will be 
regarded merely as a day of physi- 
cal and mental recreation after 
the toil of the week, instead of a 
90 



{Cbe Ikceplng ot Sunftag 



day of spiritual refreshment in 
which the service of God holds 
the primary place. 

We wish to teach our boys to 
worship, and to find a growing 
pleasure in their religious duties 
as time goes on ; and we shall 
best attain our object by suiting 
our rules to their capacity, and by 
recognising that on this question, 
as on many others, safety lies be- 
tween the two extremes. 



THE END. 



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